Christmas: The sweet sight of a lovingly decorated tree. Candles surrounded by greens and sparkly stuff. Mall parking lots too full to find a space. Money spent in a flash. Each weekend filled to the brim with events to attend, shopping and chores to complete. Wrapping!
So this year, when an aunt demanded, "Tell me what you want for Christmas." I responded quietly with, "Time with you."
She stopped in her tracks and looked at me. "What?" then went on with, "IhavesomuchtodoandIreallywanttogetdonewiththisearly.Seriouslywhatdoyouwant?IhavetoplayafuneralthisweekandplanmyChristmasparty ....."
I repeated, "Time with you. Just time with you."
My sister-in-law was with me one day and we had a conversation with this aunt. Somehow, a suggested nice evening out, after Christmas, just the five of us, dinner in The North End at one of those little cozy Italian places that have five or six tables and incredible food was decided upon. Not an easy task, but ... good. Done.
Uh. Not so fast. Or easy.
A couple of weeks go by and this simple evening out for dinner begins to grow into an additional brother invited (and who will he bring?) and a cousin and her husband (and probably their kids) a rental van and a neighbor to drive it (so we can all freely drink if we choose). And last, but not least, a drive by The Commons to see the lights. A drive by? Huh.
I say nothing because I don't want to make waves. But this dinner, the one that's being planned now is more like a party and not at all "time with you". My silence while listening to Aunt discuss her plans for a nice evening out says volumes, I know. She tells me that Brother One is inviting his ex-wife as his date (ohjoyjoyjoy!) and then says, "I hope that isn't a problem for anyone." I respond, "Well, it may be for some." And leave it at that. (so far, she hasn't mentioned the cousin a second time, so maybe we are out of the woods on that)
Of course it's a problem. She (Ex SIL) doesn't like sister-in-law T. Never has. Never will. It's the way it has been for thirty years. My relationship, such as it is with her, is not tense, but I feel the tension between the two of them.
Brother one will put on his sarcastic, mean pants for the evening (because he really doesn't enjoy spending time with his ex-wife but will do it for Aunt who we all know wants her there) and will spend most of his time ignoring her and picking on Brother Two. It will be awful because then Brother Two will revert back to childhood emotions and either become sullen or snip back. Lovely.
Brother Three will do his best to referee this friggin' fiasco.
Aunt has moved on from obsessing over who will attend to when this nice evening out should be. SIL and I suggest the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve because we'll all be done with the obligations of the holiday week and can relax a bit. We can go out mid-week when things are a bit quieter. There. That's settled.
So. "Time with you." Has turned into a ride in a rented van, chauffeured by the neighbor, a drive-by view of the lights on The Common, dinner in the North End at a cute little Italian place with five other people.
Next year, I'm going to ask for GLEE on DVD.
So this year, when an aunt demanded, "Tell me what you want for Christmas." I responded quietly with, "Time with you."
She stopped in her tracks and looked at me. "What?" then went on with, "IhavesomuchtodoandIreallywanttogetdonewiththisearly.Seriouslywhatdoyouwant?IhavetoplayafuneralthisweekandplanmyChristmasparty ....."
I repeated, "Time with you. Just time with you."
My sister-in-law was with me one day and we had a conversation with this aunt. Somehow, a suggested nice evening out, after Christmas, just the five of us, dinner in The North End at one of those little cozy Italian places that have five or six tables and incredible food was decided upon. Not an easy task, but ... good. Done.
Uh. Not so fast. Or easy.
A couple of weeks go by and this simple evening out for dinner begins to grow into an additional brother invited (and who will he bring?) and a cousin and her husband (and probably their kids) a rental van and a neighbor to drive it (so we can all freely drink if we choose). And last, but not least, a drive by The Commons to see the lights. A drive by? Huh.
I say nothing because I don't want to make waves. But this dinner, the one that's being planned now is more like a party and not at all "time with you". My silence while listening to Aunt discuss her plans for a nice evening out says volumes, I know. She tells me that Brother One is inviting his ex-wife as his date (ohjoyjoyjoy!) and then says, "I hope that isn't a problem for anyone." I respond, "Well, it may be for some." And leave it at that. (so far, she hasn't mentioned the cousin a second time, so maybe we are out of the woods on that)
Of course it's a problem. She (Ex SIL) doesn't like sister-in-law T. Never has. Never will. It's the way it has been for thirty years. My relationship, such as it is with her, is not tense, but I feel the tension between the two of them.
Brother one will put on his sarcastic, mean pants for the evening (because he really doesn't enjoy spending time with his ex-wife but will do it for Aunt who we all know wants her there) and will spend most of his time ignoring her and picking on Brother Two. It will be awful because then Brother Two will revert back to childhood emotions and either become sullen or snip back. Lovely.
Brother Three will do his best to referee this friggin' fiasco.
Aunt has moved on from obsessing over who will attend to when this nice evening out should be. SIL and I suggest the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve because we'll all be done with the obligations of the holiday week and can relax a bit. We can go out mid-week when things are a bit quieter. There. That's settled.
So. "Time with you." Has turned into a ride in a rented van, chauffeured by the neighbor, a drive-by view of the lights on The Common, dinner in the North End at a cute little Italian place with five other people.
Next year, I'm going to ask for GLEE on DVD.
5 comments:
Some relatives will just never "get it." You asked for a really great gift...to really be and spend quality time with someone.
Think of how Jesus feels when we become too busy to spend time with Him. I guess at times we just don't "get it" either.
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And much as I hate to admit it, I would have been a royal bitch about the time alone, BECAUSE that was all I wanted ....and all I would take. But I do believe you did the pc thing, the right thing, the thing that makes me like you better than me :-). ~Mary
Ah Mary, I'm not as nice as you may believe. I'm thinking about this and kind of stewing about it because I think I should stick up for myself, but I don't. Well, mostly I don't. If that can be called doing the pc, the right thing, then, it doesn't feel so good. ;)
Ahh gotta love the family gatherings :) Don't feel bad, I probably would have bitten my tongue too. Then again, I may have told them exactly what I thought. Depends on whether they got past my "nice point" or not lol.
Perhaps you should now say to Aunt: "This is all very lovely and I think we're all going to have a grand time. Now, about what I asked for for Christmas...when can we get together and do that...?
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