Social Grace. Say What?

There remains a segment of the population who adhere to the strict rules of the social graces. These people no longer fit in the 'norm' as it were. They are not rude, they will hold a door for the opposite sex, an elder, a youngster, a woman with a stroller. They will offer you a cold drink, a hot cup of tea, a snack. They'll provide you with a smile and "Hello. Nice to meet you." while making eye contact and shaking your hand. They will not say what is really on their mind in instances where doing so would be rude, offensive or hurtful. The old adage 'If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all' still applies in their lives. I love these people.*

Are you one of these near extinct individuals? I am. Or rather I thought I was until I realized over the course of the last few weeks that I am fighting a losing battle with myself and those I encounter on a daily basis. Those simple acts of kindness, politeness, courtesy seem to have become the latest fatality in a world that seems a bit upside down. Upside down, that is, for people who have become, perish the thought, their parents! It bothers me no end that I am regularly the victim of rude, uncaring people. It bothers me more that I'm beginning to fight back. With my mouth. Oy.*

Ever the optimist & happiness spreading fool (that's a subject for another day) I have found myself letting things slip. Out.Of.My.Mouth. It has become no easy fete for me to zip my lips and walk away; from rude, unfriendly, uncaring people. *

Say what? Yes. Me. Tsk.Tsk.Tsk. I am no longer the daughter my mother and father carefully raised to be the hostess with the mostest or the girl everyone loves because she is always, and I mean always, nice to others. Plaster that smile on your face Chicky and suck it up, me. Nope. *

I just can't do it anymore. *

A few weeks ago I had to go in to the local Verizon Wireless store with a phone that was not working. After careful discussion and questions asked and answered a new phone was ordered. I knew the guy lied to me. Knew it. But I didn't want to believe it. Twenty-four hours later my refurbished, not new, phone arrived and I promptly called the store. I was treated to a young woman who told me, "I don't know why he told you that. He KNOWS we never send new phones." And that was that. She didn't want to hear about my complaint and didn't seem inclined to want to resolve the problem. So I kind of blew up at her. Alright, that's a fib. I did blow up. I was loud. I was rude. I was demanding. I probably ruined her day. *

I'm not calling to apologize. I took my phone problem to another local store where the problem was promptly, efficiently and courteously corrected. So, yeah. I have a new working phone and a large stone of guilt hanging from a chain around my neck. Know what I mean?*

Then, I went to Lowe's. I ran in to pick up some suet, a pair of work gloves and a live wreath for the front door. I quickly picked up the items and went to the self checkout area. Where the computer promptly did not like my scanning abilities. Or the bar codes. I'm not sure which. The female employee who was working the self checkout area was assisting another woman, but she looked up and told me she'd be with me in a moment. *

I am nothing if not patient. So I waited. I looked around, added a magazine to my items. In the meanwhile the employee is calling the office for help. She looks up and tells me, "I really can't help you. I have a severe allergy to greens!" My brain kicks in with 'what the hell are you doing working in a store that sells greens then?' but my mouth does not open and I suggest that I'll move back with the wreath if she will come over a reset the computer, which she agrees to do. In the end, the computer just would not work for me and I eventually lost my patience, but not my social graces, and left the items for another day.  *

The list of encounters that end up badly for one or the other of us involved is long this month. At the car repair shop. The bowling alley. Papa Gino's. *

Today a coworker told me I'd "hit the nail on the head" when I commented that I don't appreciate people coming to me with a big smile on their face and their false greetings and social graces when in fact all they want is for me to do something for them. Fix a problem. Order supplies. Check their payroll. What-have-you. *

Say What? Hit the nail on the head? "Yes. That is exactly the problem. People either don't know, don't remember or don't care about being courteous and thoughtful any more. I'm not saying you have to like everyone you meet or work with, but if you practise the very act of being kind, caring, courteous it makes not only your own day, but others peoples days much nicer too."*

Sure does. *

Social Graces: *Social graces are skills used to interact politely in social situations. They include manners and etiquette, deportment and fashion. These skills were once taught to young women at a finishing or charm school. The focus of social graces has changed over the last century, recently with an emphasis on business etiquette and international protocol. * excerpted from Wikipedia.

Blog Business

As I've tried to jump back into blogging, er, more steadily, I find myself thinking about the blog roll I have over on the side, 'Blogs of Interest to Me'. I scroll down the list and recognize that fully half of the blogs I used to follow are no longer on that list because I did some housekeeping a while back and finally decided those folks weren't going to be blogging again anytime too soon.

Seems my list is getting shorter and shorter because, well, dang, there are a number of blogs in the list who have not updated in two years. Two years is a long time to be away from your blogging friends but I know some of the reason is the AOL Toss we got and some of the reason may be blogger logistics and let's add living life to its fullest to that list.

But I really wish some of you would come back to the fold. The reason your blog remains on my list, even in an inactive state is because some of you were the first on-line friends I had relationships with and as foolish as it seems, that was and remains important to me.

Further blog business requires me to now find a little extra time to add some of my blog friends back on the list and also add some new blogs as well. Come one, come all! And to those of you who are formerly AOL-J and are on the 'Formerly AOL-J' list on Facebook, yippee! It's so easy to find you!

I am trying to back off a bit from Facebook, not because I don't love it because anyone who knows me on or off Facebook knows that I love it - for whatever reason or reasons. My dear, dear sister-in-law (and friend) refers to me as a Facebook Freak. Be that as it may, it's fun and inexpensive entertainment and a great way to keep in touch without burning a hole in my brain from over use of the phone.

Of course, one could argue that letter writing the old fashioned way would keep us in touch too. Which reminds me that I owe Deb a return letter from just about a year ago. And that birthday card I was going to send my cousin? Yeah. No. E-mail is just as easy a way to keep in touch but it's not as much fun as the immediate satisfaction of Facebook. I guess I look at Facebook as one gigantic nationwide chat room or instant message session.

I've added the 'Follow By E-mail' option to my side bar and I've attempted numerous times now to add a favicon so that when my blog name appears in your favorites list there's a picture instead of the orange 'b' in front of the name, but I either can't make the picture the correct size or it ends up not being square. :::sigh::: Just one more thing to learn.

I haven't tried and I don't intend to try the new blogger lay out. I've worked through the many changes on FB this year -- with more in our future -- and I'm done learning any new tech-type things until January 1, 2012 unless I am forced to.

There seems to be an ongoing struggle between myself and blogger about highlighting text and changing the font, the color, the size ... I'm pretty sure I'll figure that out somewhere down the road quite by accident. I seem to find out how to do things by 'Eureka!' moments, friends sending the directions or suddenly my brain clicks and there it is. Just like that.

I tried the Monetize your blog thing for a little while but found it too distracting for my taste, so that's gone. There are folks who use it and it seems not at all distracting to me on their blog. What's up with that?

Do you find it cool to know where your visitors are from? Or would just rather know how many people visit your page? Does it matter either way? I kind of like to know where folks are visiting from rather than how many. Seeing different cities, towns and countries reminds me of just how small the world really is. Or maybe, how big the world really is.

Blog Business. I'd better get on it. Then get back into writing. Really writing.

Bait & Switch or People Who Don't Read The Fine Print

It's that time of year again. Time to hit your favorite mall, light of foot, layered clothing, with cash or card in hand. Arrive at the mall, find a space, eventually, and head on in.

Although I prefer cash, I am consistently sucked in to Macy's 'Magic'. Who isn't? You needn't answer that question.

Today while shopping at Macy's during yet another of their 'One Day Sale!' sales or their 'Black Friday One Day Sale!' sales, or 'Morning Only Sale!' sales during which you can buy already discounted, sale wrack items for an additional 15 - 20% off or $5.00 off a $25.00 purchase if you open a Macy's charge or use your Macy's charge card.

Yep. That's all you have to do. Charge your items on your Macy's card and get the discount. Simple right? Well, no, actually. You have to read the fine print.

Intimates:

"Why do you people send out these coupons if they can't be used on anything? You send me a 20% off coupon, but it doesn't apply to my pajamas. Why not?"

Sales Associate: "That's an Every Day Value item and the discount is already in the purchase price. And, it's a morning only sale on these items."

"Fine, well, I need pajamas so I'll take them, but I am not happy."

uh-huh. Don't blame you lady, but if you'd read the coupon you would have read that discount may not be applied to Every Day Value, Coach (hahahaha -- that's funny, cheap in the same sentence as expensive) certain other rules and restrictions may apply. Blah, blah, blah.

I returned the mis-sized bras just after that particular customer spent way too much on penguin adorned pajamas, in cash. See Macy's? You pi** off a customer and they are likely to pay cash, therefore cheating you out of your exorbitant interest rates.

Women's Department:

Sales Associate: I cannot apply that coupon to Karen Scott items. They don't qualify fpr the discount, but you'll still get the extra 20% off if you use your Macy's card.

"It's ridiculous that you send these coupons out to people. What's the point if every time I get one and I come in, I can't use it?"

Sales Associate: I'm sorry Mrs. So-and So (she used her charge card you see) I tried to get you the additional 15% off but the register won't accept it.

"I'm going to write a letter." stomping off.

Petite Department:

Little Old Lady (with the kindest, nicest son in tow) "How much is this shirt?"

Sales Associate: $24.99

"So I can't use my $5.00 off a $25.00 purchase?"

No. Unless you want to buy a candy bar. I have one left for one dollar. That would take you over the $25.00.

"I won't take this item. Thank you just the same." Although, if she had purchased her other shirt with the $24.99 shirt, instead of with her gift card, she could have taken the $5.00 off the sale, gotten an additional 20% off one of the items and used her gift card to pay for part of the purchase.

One lady came right out and complained that Macy's sales tactics are more like a bait and switch scam. Send you a promise of a deep discount, get you into the store and then, well, you can't use the coupon for the discount.

On one level I get what she's saying and I agree. But if she read the fine print, she would have known that the discount coupons cannot be used on very specific brand names and items. It's been that way for a long time at Macy's. But if you do read the fine print on the coupons, you know that you can get really great clothing items for very little money.

Just not Coach, Every Day Value, Jones New York, Inc, and others. Not on Saturday, Monday, One Day Sale day, Morning Only Sale day or any other day.

Macy's -- Way to Shop!

The Magic of Macy's!

Thankful Thoughts on Thanksgiving Day

Some of you know me on Facebook and also know that I spend the month of November harping on gratitude. That's after I spend the month of October harping on mammograms -- and how you need to get them done!

And after I spend the entire year harping on not using the 'R' word.

I do my best to entertain, after all.

Although I spend an extraordinary amount of time harping ... I also spend every day feeling grateful, thankful, appreciative -- call it what you will -- for the every day funnies, the on-line friendships, the real-time friendships, my family, my work, your work (because some of you had been unemployed and some of you still may be), good health, helpful people, prayers from others and prayers for others. I am forever whispering "Thank-you God" in appreciation of answered prayers and sometimes the ones I think go unanswered. Because, as we all know, God answers them all, but occasionally the answer is a decided, "NO" [insert thunder booming and a lightning strike here]. It may take a while to recognize that.

I am grateful to our military personnel who week in and week out, work to keep our freedom alive and well and living in America. I am thankful for police, fire, EMTs, for without them, mayhem might ensue. Okay, sometimes it does in spite of best efforts.

I am appreciative of a good vodka, a great cup of coffee, a waiter or waitress who serves me. It is without a doubt a most thankless job, so if you are one, know that I appreciate your long hours, your tired, swollen legs and feet and how miserable some people can be. I applaud you and I appreciate you. And I tip well!

I hate doctors, but am thankful for them. I love nurses ... you are the best. Lab techs, x-rays techs, support staff ... sometimes just the smile you bring in to a room with you is all it takes to make a day, no a life, better. So, just when you're feeling no one notices or cares or appreciates you, remember, I do.

I think fall leaves on trees are beautiful, not so much on the ground all brown and crispy. But I love hearing them beneath my feet when I take a walk. Those old dead leaves add a little something to the footfall. The pond down the road, the one with the view ... how I love to snap a photo each season ... to mark the years I've enjoyed driving by on my way into work.

Ocean waves crashing to shore, churning shells, pebbles and sand into a symphony of sound. Birds all a twitter and crows, (yeah, even those noisy buggers) black as night, a glimpse of them flying over head against the bright cloudless, blue sky.

There's much to be grateful for every day of my life, although I'm not sure about traffic but I do like my wheels. Travel is great, returning home is better. How thankful I am to lay my head on that feather ... pillow, so soft and scrunched and just right. A roof over my head to keep me warm in the winter and cool in the summer and windows that open in spring and in fall.

I'm grateful and thankful for family -- good and bad, happy and sad, joyous and proud. We really are one crazy, loud crowd. We're getting together today at my house, just one more thing to add to my list.

Thanksgiving is just that extra special day of the year to remember our friends and those we hold dear. It's a day to give a little more than we get. So I'll say, "Thank you!" right now and Happy Thanksgiving too! From my house to your house -- I do mean it all year though.

Grape Arbor & Love

Here they are -- the happily engaged couple at their 'Engagement Photo Shoot'. With the help of many friends and family on Facebook, E & S were awarded the win of a free session with a local photographer. We trekked about Maudsley State Park in Newburyport (not a difficult trek, mind you) and found some lovely locations for shots. Christen of Reflections by Christen did a wonderful job and when she was done, she sent two CDs and two sets of prints for the happy couple as well as the rights to use them when and how we'd like. She's a really nice person and her work is beautiful. Each time I look at the photos, I'm thankful for the opportunity for E &S as well as people like Christen. Those people that make a big difference in the lives of others, without ever realizing just what good they have done.

For Mary And Anyone Who's Listening

Had I known you were showing up once in a while at your own blog, I would have visited you sooner. I've missed your energetic, enthusiastic, sometimes caustic and very entertaining views and opinions of the world around you.

I am one of those folks who needs, no -- wants, to be connected to others; life-long, fleeting, joyful, painful, contented, quiet. If you are my friend, you are my friend until you prove otherwise.

I prefer the quiet kind of friendship the best. I may not hear from you and you may not hear from me (you being you -- or any other person I hold dear) but it really does not matter because when I do hear from you or vice versa, we just start up where we left off. Chatting is fine. Sitting quietly is fine. Adventures are, are, are ... awesome! when they are with someone you want to be with.

As much as I'd like to say there is nothing going on here in Brrrr, New England that just isn't true. We are building a garage. Ho-hum. The dog has been groomed. No dog smell. I still like my job. If only I could retire. I have connected with a best friend from high school. It is so much FUN! to know her again.

Big news is that Miss E is happily engaged to S and before you ask, let me just say, this will be one long engagement. He popped the question back in the spring, shortly after he went through some serious surgery and during his parents divorce. It has not been an easy year for him and I was hesitant about timing and yet, I didn't attempt to stall the process. They so love and care for each other and the joy and happiness they feel is contagious and spreads quickly. We, her family and her friends want nothing more than for her to be happy, healthy and live her life the way she wants to.

Ah, but the caveat. I have told her for years she can marry when she is twenty-five. Uh, yeah, it's creeping up on me faster than I can keep up and I am simply not ready. (nor is she, but lots of people would argue the point with me) So the focus for me, consequently her, is commitment in a relationship and learning how to live independently or with another. Life changes when you move in with someone you don't know. They have a lot of time apart so their time together can be rocky because they don't understand or know how to work through the little difficulties. Their commitment is not just their commitment -- it belongs to all of us: parents, siblings, friends. That's a lot of commitment.

If I am honest and practical I don't see marriage or living together happening terribly soon, but I dream that it will for her. I dream that all those things she wants will come to her. Somehow. Some day.

For her part, she is a wedding planner. Gowns, cakes, flowers. Honeymoon trip. Food, maid of honor, bridesmaids. What church and where will the reception be? Eavesdropping when they are together is fun. S says, 'we'll get married in the yard' E says, 'okay honey bun'. They look at wedding cakes on line. They look at gowns on line. They agree, disagree and agree again. It's really very sweet, enlightening, and worrisome.

You might wonder, did he give her a ring? Oh, yes. It's a beautiful ring. She polishes it up every day and she puts it on her finger and she holds her hand out at arms length, fingers splayed, turning it this way and that. It cracks me up and pleases me to see her so enjoy that ring.

That ring that sparkles so much. So much like her.

Not My Mother's Brussell Sprouts (this may be recipe 2)

Okay. I admit it. I'm getting forgetful. So, for the record, if I posted this recipe a few posts or so ago, this is the new improved or varied version.

Not My Mother's Brussel Sprouts

3 T butter (2 T & 1 T)
2 shallots, thinly sliced
1 tub brussel sprouts, rinsed, cleaned, halved
1 small package pecan halves
1/4 - 1/2 C dried cranberries

Steam brussel sprouts for 6-8 minutes and immediately remove from heat and drain.

In a nonstick fry pan, melt 2 T butter and cook the shallots until carmelized, over medium heat.
Remove the shallots, and in the same pan, melt 1 T butter and cook the pecan halves until you their woody scent just rises.
Add the brussel sprouts, return the onions to the pan and add the dried cranberries. Heat for another minute or two.
Serve! Yummy!